KEITH WELNICKE

In honor of Keith's appearance as "2time ace," here's what I remember about him.

I first remember Keith at Clarke. I think he was there for 6th and 7th grade. But my first memories from him are in Mr. Monka's social studies class in 8th grade.

We had a substitute one day. I think her name was Mrs. Beth. Kevin Dehne and I would throw gum wrappers in her vest pocket as she walked by. Anyway, she made some sort of comment about how she was going to write some of our names down for Mr. Monka to see upon his return. Then Keith, from the back of the room, shouts out "Your mama!" I'm not exactly sure why. But that made the whole class laugh. Keith put his head down, as a clearly offended Mrs. Beth scanned the room to see where the remark came from. I don't think anyone told on him.

I remember that Keith brought to school a cartoon picture of a guy fishing in the water. Under the water, the guy's pants were down. And a fish was giving him a blowjob.

One day Mr. Monka asked if anyone had a lighter or a match. Keith had a silver lighter, and tossed it up to him. I don't recall why he wanted it. But when he was done, he tossed it back to Keith and told him that his use for it was a better use than what Keith was using it for - which was smoking.

In high school, I had Keith in homeroom for all four years. His best friend seemed to be Mike Zeman. To me, Keith always seemed like a bit of a doofus. But he was a lovable doofus - a real friendly guy. It was hard not to like him.

In the summer of 1987, I ran into Keith at the Lighthouse Inn. My family had gone there to eat. I was wandering around and found Keith in the lobby. He was working there, perhaps as a busboy. He was taking a cigarette break on the couch. We talked for a few minutes. As the 4th of July was approaching, he asked if I knew any place where he could get some fireworks. Apparently he was having trouble finding some.

A few months later, I had Keith is Mr. Wegner's government class. It was very early in the year. Keith came in one day and announced that his girlfriend (class of 1990's Dawn Love) was pregnant. Naturally, Keith became the center of attention for awhile. Of course he was asked why he hadn't worn a condom. Keith replied that he didn't like them. In fact, he said, "It's like fucking a bread bag." Great quote! Personally speaking, when I've worn condoms, I've found to be not much of a difference - well not so much that it's a bad thing. Anyway, Keith hadn't finished his assignment for class that day. When Mr. Wegner asked him about it, he said, "I've had a lot of things on my mind recently." No doubt. Although Wegner didn't know the big news. So he wasn't buying Keith's excuse.

A few months later, in homeroom, Keith and Mike were talking. Allegedly they were comparing each other's girlfriends. And for whatever reason, the conversation got a little heated. Mike then said, "At least my girlfriend has one big advantage over yours." To which Keith replied, "What?" Mike answered, "She's not pregnant." This made Keith explode. He shot up from his chair, and almost turned the table over on Mike, as he was swearing at him. Mr. Wheeler started screaming at them, saying he didn't need this on a Monday morning - and that the two of them were supposed to be buddies. I actually had my micro cassette recorder with me that day, and taped the tail end of this exchange. I still have it.

If memory serves, Keith's baby was due in March. But it was a few weeks late, and didn't arrive until sometime in April. I believe they named her Ashley. Keith brought some photos into school and passed them around in homeroom. Richard looked at one of Dawn and the baby, and said, "What is she smiling for? Her life is over!" Richard then drew a blue X on the baby's forhead in one of the pictures. In all fairness, he asked me if he should. And I encouraged him to do so. When Keith got the pictures back, he said to me, "Burt, why did you put an X on my baby's picture?" As always, I got blamed for everything. He wasn't really mad though.

I ran into Keith several times at the video store. He and his brother were always renting movies. When Keith's brother got married, he became a brother-in-law to fellow graduate Carrie Franz. Keith and Dawn apparently didn't have any future together as a couple. Dawn ended up marrying someone else, as did Keith - a girl named Jennifer. I don't know if they have any children together. But Keith's first daughter would be turning 18 next month, if my math is correct. Wow. As far as I know, Keith lives in Two Rivers today. He may be employed with Eck Industries. In 2003, Keith was cited by the DNR - something about being a fishing guide without a license.

UPDATE - 6/14/06 - Thanks to Carrie Franz for providing this recent picture of Keith, his wife, and his daughter. Obviously this appears to have been taken around Christmas.



UPDATE - 11/13/06 - On Saturday, July 15th, 2006, Kevin Dehne and I took a trip to Two Rivers. We stopped by Keith's house. But he wasn't home. So we ended up leaving a post-it note on his daughter's car. On Saturday, August 12th, 2006, we took a second trip to Two Rivers. Again, Keith wasn't home. But his wife was. Keith's wife is a big fan of the blog. Actually, she reads it more than he does. Because of her given profession, she's familiar with a lot of the people profiled here. She told us that Keith would be back in 15 minutes. So we headed to the home of Rob Sisel. Rob wasn't home either. So we went back to Keith's. Moments after we pulled into the driveway, Keith drove up as well. He noted that he was dirty from work, and wouldn't take a picture until he'd showered. So we all went inside. Keith's wife gave us each a soda. We then went to the gigantic living room and chatted a bit while an episode of Roseanne played in the background.

Keith and his wife were a delight. They had tons of stories and gossip. I probably shouldn't repeat most of it. But it was a blast. I bet we stayed there for at least an hour. They even offered to cook us brats. But we had more stops to do. And time was dwindling. So we declined. In retrospect, I wish we would have stayed. I was getting hungry by that point. Oh well. They can owe us a meal! Ha ha. Before we left, we snapped the photos you see below.