ROB SISEL

Wanna buy a duck?

What does that sentence mean? Apparently it's a drinking game. I think it also is some sort of old vaudevillian joke. The sentence was used on an old Leave It To Beaver episode where June was talking about an ugly shirt she once had, which had several stupid sayings on it.

So what does this have to do with Rob Sisel? Read on.

I first met Rob at L.B. Clarke Middle School. I have one memory of him there. He had an overdue library book. It was called "The Cave Of Time." It was one of those Which-Way books, in which you can choose your own adventure. I remember this because I know why it was overdue. I had stolen it. In fact, I stole nearly every Which-Way and Choose Your Own Adventure book from the library.

Rob was a very, very nice guy. But I'm not sure he was the smartest of individuals. Then again, I base that solely on the fact that I thought he was gullible - which really isn't a good gauge on one's intelligence. He tended to hang around with the nerdy crowd. Although he didn't seem to quite fit in with them. Rob had a little bit of a backbone, and would at least stand up for himself.

In our sophomore year, I had Rob in Mr. Scriver's history class. For a time, he sat right behind me. One day, for whatever reason, I hit him in the hand with my pencil. That sounds terrible, I know. But it's not as bad as it sounds. There was no malice involved. There was no intent for injury. Rob and I were involved in some sort of disagreement. I don't recall the details. But I think he'd grabbed my book or something, and was being an ass by not returning it. So I kind of swung at him.

A few days later, Rob was looking over some sort of document. I asked him what it was. He said "insurance." I asked him what it was for. He said, "You know."

I didn't know. I had no clue what he was talking about. And I really had to pry it out of him. Apparently when I hit him with my pencil, the lead broke off and stuck in his hand. It was a fluke thing - a freak accident. Rob had never said anything about it. Nor did he show any signs of pain or discomfort. But he had to go to the hospital. And since his parents had paid for that bogus insurance that the school offers at the beginning of the year, the school had paid for it.

Obviously I was floored. I apologized over and over. I felt like shit about it. But he didn't seem to care. It didn't phase him at all. Of course I was then worried that Mr. Wood (the asshole vice principal) would find out about the incident. But Rob assured me that he hadn't told on me. Good man Rob.

Back to the duck. In that same history class, for whatever reason, at some point one day, I turned around to him and asked, "Wanna buy a duck?"

Rob laughed, and then responded, "You have a duck?"

I was stunned. Today I'm reminded of that scene in Christmas Vacation, when Chevy Chase tells all the kids that Santa's sleigh was just spotted in the area. And ignorant cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) says, "You serious Clark?"

I didn't know what to say. Did Rob actually believe that I had a duck? But I thought fast.

"Yeah... I have a duck... Do you wanna buy it?"

Rob said he'd have to ask his parents, and would tell me the following day. It's all I could do to keep myself from bursting out in hysterics. I then made up a story of how I went to the garage that morning and found a duck. I told him I wanted $25.00 for it. He eventually bargained me down to maybe $2.00. I think Rob lived on a farm. And they had some ducks.

The next day Rob told me that his parents didn't want it. Ah, well. So ends the duck story. Or does it?

Two years later, as seniors, Rob and I found ourselves in the guidance office at the same time. As we were sitting at the table, I leaned over and asked again, "Wanna buy a duck?"

Rob laughed in disbelief, "You still got that duck?"

Yeah Rob, I still got that duck. I still have it today. Who would think that a duck would live this long? This duck will live forever. Wanna buy it?

I ran into Rob several times at the video store. He remained a nice guy. Last I'd heard, he was working in a factory in Manitowoc as a machinist or something. I don't think he was married. I believe he was heavily involved with his church as well.

UPDATE - 6/12/07 - Thanks to Carrie Franz for this little update on Rob. Apparently Rob works for Jagemann Plating, In Manitowoc. He also works a couple of nights per week at Kurtz's in Two Rivers. Lastly, he is a bartender in Two Creeks - either at Fat Boyz or Crazy 8's.