RANDY ERTMAN

Randy is a guy I met in 6th grade. He had come from Koenig School. We had Mrs. Casey together.

Randy and I got along really well that year. He was a fun guy. He was also huge. He wasn't fat. He was just a big, tall athletic kid. I remember being outside in gym class, and Randy would pick me up, flip me in the air (head over feet) and land me back on my feet. He did this to a couple of people. But he could really launch me. It was quite a feat of strength.

I remember one day where he and I were partners in some sort of science experiment. Randy was especially jovial that day. It was like he was tipsy or something. When science came to an end, Mrs. Casey announced that it was time to start cleaning up. Then Randy yelled, "Ok Joe, pick 'em up" in his best construction worker voice. Mrs. Casey looked at us and demanded, "Who said that, Burt or Randy?" Randy fessed up. Mrs. Casey just turned away, loking annoyed. Now that pissed me off! She and I had battled each other all year. And I know damn well that if I had been the one to say that, she would have punished me in some way. Teachers do play favorites.

Randy and I sat next to each other in Mr. Kjelstrup's art class as well. One day we were fooling around during the begininng of class, when Kjelstrup was talking. He got really mad at us, and forced each of us to write 200 times: "I will pay attention during morning announcements." That's a lot of words. It was the end of the year, right before we went to Camp Tapawingo. Neither of us could go until we actually finished it. I took mine home, and finished it the night before.

Also near the end of the year, we had an art class outside. This time it was with the other art teacher, Mr. Swokowski. We were all laying on the ground near the bike racks. Randy blurted out the "F" word at some point. Swokowski overheard him, and violently grabbed him on the ground. Randy didn't struggle or anything. It was probably the last time he ever backed down from a teacher.

One day as I was on my way to the garbage can after lunch, to dump my tray, Randy spied that I had some chili left in my bowl, and promptly grabbed my spoon and helped himself, as I was walking along. It was rather humorous.

When we were at Camp Tapawingo, Mrs. Casey took us on some sort of nature hike. Randy and Chad Bennin must have run ahead. Then as we passed this beat up old building, Chad started saying, "Where's Randy? Where's Randy?" Randy then popped out on top of the bulding, screaming "Arghhhhh!" Mrs Casey was surprisingly amused. If it were me, she would have had me arrested.

In 7th grade, I was on my way to Mrs. Westburg's class for a detention. Randy was maybe 10 feet behind me. I passed Wade Wachholz going the other direction. Suddenly I heard Randy's extremely loud, "FUCKER!" Wade had kicked him in the leg, and was laughing at him. Randy was in obvious pain. Mr. Stodola was not amused. He yelled at Randy to "come here." Painfully, Randy said, "No." I don't know what happened next. I just continued on to Westburg's room.

At some point during my senior year, Scott Jaklin and I went to Clarke, and wandered around a bit. We ended up talking to Mr. Schambureck. Schambureck told us that Randy, Ross Hofmann and perhaps someone else used to smoke pot after school, prior to coming back into the gym to practice basketball. He said that Randy and Ross were literally bouncing off the walls, and were sometimes so high that they could barely function.

At some point in the spring of 8th grade, Kevin Dehne and myself conceived a plan to do the ultimate book burn. We dubbed it "the super burn." For those who never attended Clarke at that time, a book burn was simply tossing someone's books or papers all over the floor. Anyway, Kevin had one or two empty lockers near his. And we constantly filled them with whatever scrap paper we could find. Once they were full, one of us would take them out, and slam them to the floor, right before the halls became filled with students on the way to their next class. The problem is that way too many people knew about it. So Mr. Kern found out as well, and stood in the hall on the day of the planned event, moments before it was to go down. That didn't do anything but delay the inevitable. A day or two later, Randy took it upon himself, and made one colossal mess. It was great! Everyone was sliding around on the papers. I pity the janitors who had to clean up that one.

In lunch one day, I went up to the hot lunch table, and helped myself to some more potatoes. There wasn't a whole lot left. Randy was nearby, and said, "Don't eat anymore of those. They're mine." I told him to fuck off, and took what I wanted. After lunch, as I was by my locker, Randy stomped around the corner, and backed me into Mrs. Anderson's health room, where he promptly punched me in the arm, and said that he was sick of my shit. Honestly speaking, that may have been the hardest punch I ever took in my life. But I took it and said nothing. Randy was not a guy I was going to tangle with. As he turned and left, Mark Ciha shouted to Randy, "He's laughing at you." That was NOT true! But Randy marched on, fully satisfied.

On the last day of school, in 8th grade, Randy got into an incident with Mr. Monka, the history teacher. Mr. Monka had a rule. If he caught anyone with a squirt gun, he took it away, then stomped it into little pieces. I wasn't in the class. But I heard about it. It was at the beginning of 3rd hour. Apparently Monka had seen Randy use his squirt gun, and demanded that he turn it over to him. Randy said that he didn't have one. When Monka asked again, Randy allegedly said, "Fuck you! I don't have one!." I think Monka tried to physically find it on Randy. And that's when Randy allegedly punched Monka in the face. I heard that it took multiple teachers to get things under control. But when they finally did, they simply told Randy to leave the school. Those of us in Mr. Ashenbrenner's classroom actually saw Randy calmly walking home. I had Mr. Monka for 4th hour. He looked different. Specifically, his glasses were nowhere to be seen. I suspect they were smashed.

In freshman year, I had Randy in Miss Sapa's literature class. She and I got into an argument one day. And at one point she asked me to move to another desk. I refused. She put the whole class on hold until I relented. Then Randy kicked my desk and told me to move. It's a sad state of affairs when a fellow classmate has more influence than a teacher. But I moved.

I also had Randy in Mr. Heuer's algebra class. I remember Randy falling asleep in class one day. When people noticed, everyone started to laugh. Heuer simply said, "Let him sleep."

In our sophomore year, I had Randy in pre-algebra II. He'd obviously failed at least one semester of algebra the previous year, just as I had. Perhaps he slept in class too much. Anyway, our teacher was Randy's own father. One day we took a test. Mr. Ertman announced prior to class that there would be absolutely no help given. No one was allowed to come up to him and ask him any questions at all. Randy must not have been paying attention. Because about 20 minutes later, he got up to ask a question. Mr. Ertman looked at him and said, "Are you stupid? What's the matter with you? Are you stupid? What are you doing?" Randy suddenly realized what was wrong, and started to laugh. He looked really embarrassed too, as he went back to his seat.

At some point in our junior or senior year, Randy started going out with fellow graduate Tina Short. After they broke up (in senior year) Tina started seeing my friend Jason Krings. Jason said that Randy threatened him all the time. But Jason stood firm. I don't think any physical confrontations ever took place.

I remember telling Richard that I thought Randy would kill somebody someday. I figured it would be some sort of rage, as opposed to anything planned. I just pictured him getting really angry, beating the crap out of someone, and not realizing his own brute strength.

The character of "Meat" in the Porky's movies always reminded me of Randy.

At some point during our senior year, Randy came into the guidance office to use the phone to call his boss. I was sitting in there at the time. It must have been the first Wednesday of the month or something. Because all of a sudden, the tornado siren went off, for it's monthly test. It was right outside the window of the guidance office. And the window was open too. Randy literally screamed, "I'LL CALL YOU BACK!"

As a senior, Randy was 18, and actually moved out of his parents' house. That afforded him the luxury of "calling in sick" to school. I recall Randy missing a lot of school that year. But he did graduate.

I ran into Randy from time to time at the video store. He was always friendly enough. But he seemed to always come in with some very shady-looking characters. To the best of my knowledge, Randy has never married. He has however been arrested several times for drunk driving. In fact, when I looked him up a few months ago, I'm pretty sure I saw nine arrests! However, when I looked him up today, I "only" found eight. So he's either tied with Tony Trzeciak for the class record, or he's one ahead of him. Either way, that number is ridiculous. Randy has spent time in prison, as well as paid more than $10,000 in fines based on all of these drunk driving convictions. He may have just recently been released. It's hard to tell. I hope he has no more problems with this. And I wish him well.

UPDATE - 11/30/06 - As per Sally's comment, Jenny Malley told me that she too ran into Randy recently. She also confirmed that he was looking great. In fact, she said he actually looked younger now than he did when he was 16.

UPDATE - 6/18/07 - Yesterday, Kevin Dehne and I stopped over to see Randy. We thought no one was home. But as we were just about to leave, a dog flew out of the garage, followed closely by Randy himself. We had literally gotten him out of the shower.

Much to my surprise, Randy was not the big tank of a guy I remember. In fact, we were about the same height. And at this point, I probably weight more than he does. Randy was really good-natured and talked with us for quite awhile. In fact, he said that last summer, he had hooked up with class of 1990's Sally Graczykowski (whom Kevin and I had visited on our previous trip to Two Rivers). Randy informed us that they were just finishing up moving her into his place. Small world!

As for drinking, Randy said that he "shut 'er down." He was sick and tired of the numerous fines - and of course being sent away for awhile. So good for him.

We took a few photos. You can see them below. The bottom photo is of a bear cut out of a tree stump. Randy described it as the first purchase he and Sally had made together. They got it in Door County. They had bought and paid for two of them, but apparently didn't have a vehicle to bring them home. So when Randy went up later on to pick them up, he found out that the guy had sold one of them - even though he'd already paid for it. Oh well. He got his money back for the one, and took the remaining one home.