TERESA VOHWINKEL

Ok, this one might be hard to write about. Not only is the subject matter difficult. But I have something really gross to reveal.

I first met Teresa in 6th grade. We shared Mrs. Casey's class together. How do I put this? Teresa was ugly. There, I said it. Throughout the entire time I knew her, if someone had to make some sort of "ugly person" joke or reference, Teresa Vohwinkel would ALWAYS be the one chosen.

One might find a way to feel sorry for Teresa. But don't. If you knew her, you wouldn't. For Teresa wasn't only unattractive. She was also paunchy, obnoxious, annoying, and was somewhat a slob. She had a mouth on her.

Because of our proximity in the alphabet, I was doomed to be next to her for many years. Our lockers were always side by side. Teresa on the left, Lori Warunek on the right. Can there be better example of hell? At least Lori was friendly.

In 8th grade, Teresa and I had Mr. Monka's social studies class together. If Monka caught you with your feet in the baskets of the seat in front of you, he'd make you squat on the floor in a catcher's position. Teresa got caught one day. So she got on the floor. But instead of squatting, she got on her knees, with her legs behind her. Monka yelled at her. But I got to give Teresa credit. She yelled back that she saw a baseball game that weekend, and the catcher was sitting like that. Some catchers do. But Monka didn't let her get away with it.

Ok. Here we go. Here's my reveal. And it's disgusting. In my sophomore year, I sometimes spent my lunchtime by myself, hanging out in the basement. I explored every inch of that school. But for awhile, I would sit and eat in a small dark room, which was positioned behind the girls' shower area. The room was actually a towel room. And the gym teacher would hand towels to the girls who were showering. There was a small, raised door to hand towels through. Well, sometimes that door was unlocked. And if one wanted to, they could go into the locker room that way. One day, I did. As it turns out, there was a gym class going on at the time. So the locker room was empty. But there were various books and stuff sitting on some benches.

Now, before I go any further, I need to make it clear. I wasn't some pervert or anything, with a desire to smell girls' clothes, or jack off on them or soemthing sick like that. I was just wandering in some place where I shouldn't.

Anyway, I spotted something. It was unmistakable. It was Teresa's sweatshirt. It was blue and yellow. I'd seen her wear it a million times before. And of course, I couldn't stand her. So what did I do? Well... I'm almost ashamed to admit this... almost. I whipped it out and peed all over it - a full load. I then exited the room as fast as I could.

Imagine my shock, when a few hours later, while at my locker, I notice Teresa strolling up to hers. And she's wearing the fucking sweatshirt!!! I just about died! Of course I couldn't say anything. But I walked away in absolute shock. From the time I peed on it, to the time she came back to the locker room, maybe 20 minutes had passed. There is no way in hell it could have dried by then. There's no way she could not have noticed. I wonder what she thought. Did she think that water somehow got on it? But what about the smell? I'm sure my urine is just as potent as everyone else's. Then again, maybe not.

I don't know what became of Teresa after high school. She did not graduate with us. It doesn't look like she ever did. I did run into her a few times at the video store. She remained bitchy and unpleasant. Her mother however, was very nice. And get this. She also had a little sister - perhaps a half sister. I suspect it was a half sister, from a different father, as she had a different last name. And this girl was super cute! Granted she was about 10 years younger than me (class of 1998). But man, she was nice looking. And the strangest thing about her is that she actually resembled Teresa! You could tell they were related. I guess you should try to picture Teresa with a great body, pretty face, nice clothes, and a pleasant personality. Can't do it, can you? Well, you'll just have to trust me then.

The last time I saw Teresa at the video store, she appeared to be very pregnant. Last I knew, she was living in Oshkosh. I don't believe she has ever been married.